


Linked (Matching Soulmate Markings)

by motorbike_on_the_avenue



Series: 30 days cheesy tropes challenge [22]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 30 Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge, Angst, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-30 01:18:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10866042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motorbike_on_the_avenue/pseuds/motorbike_on_the_avenue
Summary: They weren't matching.Lisa wasn’t his soul mate.It wasn’t the worst, settling. Lots of people did it. Found someone who had sort of the same tattoo and just pretended not to see the differences.Some people had it worse. They went to illegal tattoo parlours changing theirs to match the person they were in love with.That was still better than the ones who mutilated their arms. Not wanting to be soulmates with anyone, they tried to cut it off, believing that severing the mark meant severing the connection.If finding someone to change your tattoo was difficult, finding anyone who would remove it safely was impossible – which meant most people opted to do it themselves.So, Dean was with Lisa. It was comfortable and safe and he did love her.Dean was prepared to spend the rest of his life with her. He had the ring and everything.And then Dean met Cas.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Warnings: A character attempts suicide. There is also a scene where a character takes a knife to his arm, plus mentions of others who cut their marks off.Kind of a happy ending, or at least not an unhappy one.





	Linked (Matching Soulmate Markings)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the darkest fic I've written for this challenge. When I thought about the world that soulmate marks would create, my brain took me down this path, and I started to think about how everyone's view might be a little altered. 
> 
> It's a bit dark, and a bit angsty, but for the world I've created, I think it works quite well. I know usually soulmate marking fics are all happy (or at least all the ones I've read are), and the other fics I've posted aren't as dark as this. 
> 
> Warnings: Character suicide attempt. A scene where a different character takes a knife to his arm. Mentions of self-harm, and trying to carve tattoos off wrists.

You were born with them. A small tattoo on your wrist. Your soulmate would have the identical marking on their wrist. The person you were supposed to love beyond reason, the person to spend the rest of your life with.

  
It didn't always work like that.

  
Dean had always liked his tattoo. It was a pair of black feathery angel wings. They extended right to the edge of his wrist.

  
Dean doesn’t remember what age he was when he started to think that magical tattoo markings weren't the be all and end all of life. That maybe they caused more issues than they solved.

  
Even monsters had soulmates. The killers, the rapists, the very worst of humanity. Their markings would show up in the newspapers asking for their soulmate to come forward. Some people said it was because their soulmate would make them a better person. That they'd be released back into society as long as they had their soul mate with them.  
Some people said the soulmates were evil too, and they asked for them to come forward so they could lock them up as well.

  
Dean had never met his soulmate. He knew there were websites you could go to. You'd take a photo of your mark, post it, and people could comment if they knew anyone with the same markings. There were sections to post under depending on what your tattoo was.

  
But Dean's parents had always been adamant. If the universe saw fit to provide you with a tattoo that led to your soul mate, the universe could very well engineer a meeting between the two of you.

  
When Dean was 28 he met Lisa. She had angel wings on her wrist - black feathery angel wings. Dean nearly had a panic attack the first time he saw them.  
They dated. They lived together. Dean had a hand in raising her son.

  
No one ever questioned them.

  
But sometimes at night when Lisa was sleeping, Dean would take her wrist and look at it in the moonlight through their bedroom window.

  
Her wings were a little bit shorter than Deans’. And there were a few white lines in the black on hers.

  
They weren't matching.

  
Lisa wasn’t his soul mate.

  
It wasn’t the worst, settling. Lots of people did it. Found someone who had sort of the same tattoo and just pretended not to see the differences.

  
Some people had it worse. They went to illegal tattoo parlours to change theirs to match the person they were in love with. The amount of people who 'fixed' their tattoos so they looked identical to their famous crushes was outstanding.

  
Or the people who covered theirs up when they were young, not wanting to have their life dictated to them by some mark on their arm.

  
That was still better than the ones who mutilated their arms. Not wanting to be soulmates with anyone, they tried to cut it off, believing that severing the mark meant severing the connection.

  
If finding someone to change your tattoo was difficult, finding anyone who would completely remove it safely was impossible – which meant most people opted to do it themselves.

  
So, Dean was with Lisa. It was comfortable and safe and he did love her.

  
Dean was prepared to spend the rest of his life with her. He had the ring and everything.

  
  
And then Dean met Cas.

  
Cas was a guy with dark hair and blue eyes. He wore a tan trench coat and Dean met him in his local coffee shop.

  
They'd exchanged smiles a couple of times before and sure Dean had been struck by his good looks but he was with Lisa. The guy was just that - a guy.

  
It was raining outside the day they first talked. Cas had rolled his eyes at how long the people behind the counter were taking - too busy chatting. Dean had smiled even though the gesture wasn't meant for him.

  
They'd struck up a conversation. Dean had a photo of Lisa and her son Ben (one of the reasons Lisa was settling for him, Dean knew. Most soulmates didn't want any baggage, thinking why would their soulmate have let something like that happen when they knew there was someone perfect for them in this world) in his wallet and Cas had smiled when he'd seen it.

  
Dean more often than not covered up his tattoo. It was the first thing people looked at when they met you, and the first thing their eyes scanned when they saw you with someone.

  
But Cas didn't have his covered. Sure, his coat sleeves were a little long, long enough that Dean hadn't seen it yet. They'd been talking for two months now, sitting in the coffee shop and letting the world pass by. It was fine. They were friends. Dean had Lisa.

  
Cas never mentioned a partner and Dean never asked. He knew all too well how awkward questions about soulmates could be. Maybe Cas had given up on finding his or maybe he'd had it retouched when he was younger.

  
Dean didn't ask.

  
It was a Thursday. Dean was waiting at the coffeeshop counter for his usual order when Cas came hurrying in. The wind had messed him up, making his hair dishevelled, and his clothes rumpled.

  
Dean smiled.

  
Cas nodded to the girl behind the counter who blushed. She immediately started working on Cas's coffee order.

  
Dean had laughed when he realised she had a crush on Cas. It had been funny. (Her tattoo was of a bird. Dean had already looked. It didn't answer the question of what Cas had but Cas had never been more than friendly to her so Dean assumed it wasn't even close to the same.)

  
It wasn't so funny anymore. Now he felt sick and hot and embarrassed when he saw her smiling at Cas.

  
Because Dean had settled. What if Cas chose to do that too? Cas didn't deserve that. He deserved someone who loved him the way the universe intended them to.

  
It was as Cas was reaching for the coffee the girl placed in front of him. His sleeve slipped up a bit, showing his tattoo.

  
And if Dean thought he was having a panic attack when he saw Lisa's that’s nothing compared to what he's having now.

  
It’s his wings on Cas's wrist. He knows his tattoo like the - forgive him - back of his hand. Better even. The details are etched into his brain like they were carved there when he was born.

  
Dean knows Cas's wings are the same length of his. There's no white lines to break up the feathers.

  
'Dean? Are you okay?' Cas asks and Dean understands it’s the only voice in the world that could break through to him right now.

  
He's about to propose to Lisa, but Cas is his soulmate.

  
'Yeah. Fine.' Dean clears his throat. He's still staring at Cas's tattoo.

  
Cas notices where Dean is looking and it only takes him a second to put it together.

  
Dean considers bolting.

  
But Cas doesn’t ask. He picks up his coffee and pulls his sleeve down over his wrist.

  
'I don't suppose you know anyone with that tattoo, do you?' Cas asks.

  
He's giving him an out and Dean's enough of a coward to take it.

  
'Don't think so,' he says.

  
Cas smiles at him. It’s a sad one.

  
'You met them, didn't you?' Lisa asks him a few days later. Dean guesses it’s been all over his face that wonder / disbelief that comes with meeting your soul mate. He's seen it on many faces.

  
Dean considers lying.

  
But he can't do that. Not to Lisa. He owes her that much at least.

  
'Yes,' he says. She nods.

  
They don't speak about it. Lisa seems to be hanging on the edge waiting for him to make his mind up.

  
The ring stays in the drawer.

  
Cas doesn't come back to the coffee shop.

  
The problem is that there are a few.

  
Dean's not annoyed that his soulmate is a guy. It doesn’t bother him. It just never really occurred to him that it would be. He's just always liked women and if the universe can do all this other stuff wouldn't they make Dean even slightly gay before now?

  
The second one is obviously Lisa. When they first started dating she confessed that she really liked him. She said that before they got too serious he had to know that she wasn’t going to go looking for her soul mate. She wasn’t going to chase them down if she and Dean decided to really go for this.

She was scared that if Dean found his he would leave her.

  
Dean had promised he wouldn't go looking for his either. They hadn't discussed what would happen if one of them ran into theirs accidentally.  
They hadn't discussed what would happen if Dean fell in love with someone even before finding out they were meant for him.

  
  
Lisa leaves it for a month before she tells him they're over. She explains that it's not his fault. She thinks he'd probably stay with her for another couple of months.

  
But that's all it would be. She knows about the ring. She knows why he's not going to ask.

  
And it wouldn't be fair for her to continue this.

  
She kisses him on the cheek and tells him they had a good run. She tells him he can say bye to Ben at the weekend. She says Ben will understand -it’s about time she had the soulmate conversation with him. He keeps asking about the mark on his wrist, the messy black circle that looks like a galaxy. Maybe Dean could even bring his soulmate round.  
Dean agrees to everything but it’s not that simple.

  
  
He still doesn't know where Cas has gone.

  
  
He remembers that Cas works at the local hospital. He goes there and waits around, just kind of hoping to see him, entering or leaving one day.

  
It doesn't work.

  
Dean didn't ever know if he wanted to be with his soulmate. But he wants to be with Cas and since that's the same thing Dean doesn't know why he's still internally freaking out about it.

  
He loves Cas.

  
  
It takes a week. Of the people in the hospital giving him weird looks and asking him if he requires assistance.

  
He asks if they've heard of Castiel. Dean doesn’t know his last name.

  
They tell him they can't give that information out.

  
Dean knows if he told them Cas was his soulmate, they’d tell him everything he wanted to know. 

  
It seems to be a general way of life that you do anything to get to your soul mate. It’s the most given excuse: 'I'm sorry I haven’t contacted anyone in three weeks, I was tracking my soul mate.' 'I didn't mean to cheat on you but it’s my soul mate' 'I didn’t come into work for four days because I'd just found my soul mate.' 

   
Like when you meet them the world should stop turning. 

  
Dean didn't understand it before. 

  
There's a brown-haired guy at the hospital who keeps looking at him. He comes back to where Dean is every half an hour or so and stares at him. 

  
Dean raises an eyebrow at him the next time he comes back. 

  
   
The guy saunters over. 'Heard you were looking for someone,' the guy says. 

  
'I am.' The guy sizes him up. Dean puffs his chest out a little - the guy obviously knows Cas. 

Dean would hate to be found lacking. 

  
'Gabriel,' the guy says holding his hand out. 'Want to tell me why you're looking for my little brother?' 

  
Dean is going to answer him. Probably give him some bullshit answer.

  
But then Gabriel catches sight of the uncovered tattoo on Dean’s wrist. He grabs it, and examines it, peering closely. 'You're Dean.' The contempt in his voice tells Dean that Cas has told Gabriel everything. 'You're the reason my brother's recovering in hospital instead of working in it.' The words are like a sucker punch to Dean's stomach; he's heard enough stories to know what Cas tried. 

  
'He tried to cut it off?' Dean says. It’s not a question, not really. 

  
Gabriel nods. He looks at Dean, debating how much to tell him.

But Dean is Cas’s soul mate – in this world, that trumps family.  

  
'He was always so excited when he was little. He found it hard to make friends, to talk to people. But the idea that there was someone out there who was basically made for him, who'd love him in spite of his quirks; Castiel was quite taken with that idea.' Dean swallows. 'And then he meets a guy. He's got a crush on him, but he assumes this guy has already met his soulmate. 

  
And Cas is logical. He knows there's no point liking a guy who’s found his soul mate. 

  
Then he finds out that this guy _is_ actually his soul mate. But this guy who’s he’s been not so secretly falling for rejects him. The one person he's been taught will love him didn't wait for him. He gave up. And when they did find each other, this guy denied it.

  
So yeah Dean. Cas tried to cut the mark off his arm. He's currently recovering.'

  
Dean's heard horror stories. The marks are practically ingrained in your skin -to get them off you need to cut and cut deep. 

  
People have died from blood loss. 

  
'Why would he do that?' Dean says. It’s mainly to himself. Didn't Cas know that he'd do the right thing, that Dean would come for him? 

  
No. He didn't. Because Dean didn't. He stayed with Lisa and didn't try to find Cas.

  
He rejected him. 

  
'I need to see him,' Dean says. 

  
Gabriel looks at him. 'He's my soulmate,' Dean says.

  
He wants to hate saying it. Being someone's soul mate shouldn't excuse anything.

  
But Dean has to see Cas. He needs to see him. He has to tell him he didn't reject him and he's sorry for causing him pain.

  
And he needs to check on him. He knows people can die from what Cas attempted.

  
Dean needs to see Cas is okay.

 

  
Gabriel takes him to a private room. 'Perks of working for the hospital,' he says. 

  
Dean is left alone to enter. 

  
Cas is asleep on the bed, a white bandage wrapped around his wrist.

  
'Cas?' Dean says.

  
Cas eyes flutters open and he looks at Dean. He sits up, scooting back on the bed and if that doesn't just break Dean's heart. 

  
'What are you doing here?' Cas asks. 'You should leave.'

  
'Not a chance. You're stuck with me,' the last sentence loaded with meaning. They are stuck with each other. Now and forever. Dean pulls a chair up next to Cas's bedside.   
'What about that woman? You've got a photo of her in your wallet. Your son?'

  
Dean tells him about Ben and Lisa. How they found each other, what they promised. 

  
'Would you have stayed with her?' Cas asks.

  
'No, man. Truth be told I wouldn't have. Couldn't have, knowing about you.' 

  
'Dean, I don't know what they told you. About why I'm in here.'

  
'Gabriel said you tried to get rid of your mark.' Cas raises an eyebrow at the mention of his brother’s name. 

  
'I did.' Cas looks down at his covered wrist. He peels off the tape holding it in place and starts unwinding it. 'But I did more than that. The reason why I tried to gouge my mark off was because I didn't want to be buried with something that linked me to you.'

  
Its then that Dean notices Cas's other wrist. That's got gauze covering it too.

  
'You tried to kill yourself?' Dean says. 

  
'Yes. I've been led to believe that a soulmate is the making of a person. That you can't be complete without one. When I realised that you didn't want to be my other half...I reacted badly.' 

  
Cas lifts the gauze off, showing his marked tattoo.

  
Its healing well, Dean guesses, in the month since Cas attempted to take his own life. He doesn't know much about the medical side of things but the doctors have done a good job here. 'Unfortunately, because I tried to kill myself they didn't realise until too late that I was trying to get rid of it. The doctors had someone come in to try and touch it up before I woke up.' There are photos of your soul mate mark in every person’s medical records. 

  
In some cases they've been used to identify a body. 

  
The wings are still there, but now there's a deep long red gash running through the middle. It disjoints the wing on the right-hand side making it higher than the other wing.   
'What now?' Dean asks. 'You don't want to be linked to me? How...where do we go from here?' Cas shrugs. 

  
'I don't know.' 

  
Dean goes home. He never thought it would be like this. And all because of him. 

  
There's a knife on the kitchen counter. 

  
Dean doesn't think. (Well that's a lie. He pictures Cas's wings with a red gash through them and how the two of them are supposed to be linked by their matching tattoos.)  
He slices the knife right along the edge of his right wing. 

  
It hurts like a bitch but that isn't enough. Dean needs something that’s going to be permanent. 

  
He has just enough sense to call the emergency services and tell them what’s happened (he doesn't want to die, that’s not the point here) and then he picks up the knife again. 

  
'Dean. What on earth happened?' The first thing Dean notices is Cas.

   
The second is the pain. 

  
The third is he's lying in the same private room as Cas's (Gabriel's doing, he guesses). 

  
'I wanted us to be linked. Wanted the matching tattoos. Down to the very last detail,'   Dean says. 

  
'Dean. You are the stupidest, most insolent man I've ever met. I used to believe that soul mates were this magical thing, not the cause of stupidity. They're not supposed to make you hurt yourself.'

  
'I hurt you,' Dean says. 

  
'And now you've hurt yourself.' Cas sighs. 'I never thought having a soul mate would be like this.' 

  
That night Cas and Dean push their hospital beds together. They unwrap the gauze from around their wrists and leave their hands at the edge of their beds.

  
The two tattoos, side by side. Two sets of feathery angel wings that stretch to the ends of the wrists. There's a deep red gash along each set, lifting the right wing slightly higher than the left wing. 

  
Dean reaches his hand over to take hold of Cas's. 

  
A feeling of warm contentment settles over Dean. 

  
This.

  
This is what it’s meant to feel like.


End file.
